Iridescence cont.

10/1/2018

Captain's Log #1890

The world is full. The world is full of wonder and brightness wonder tucked away into the softest corners of my little universe. I explore through nooks and crannies and yet I find more than I could ever need.  And as I begin to think I know all that I need to know, the setting sun catches an angle of your multifaceted heart. Reflecting you and you and more you in every fractalesque fracture of light. Complexity in beauty and beauty in complexity. 

I have been many things in life. I have been called many things in life. I have been called a hurricane (my mother), selfish (my father), a brat (my sister). I don't think I've ever been called precious (you), or wonderful (you) or "mine" (more you) and have ever felt it. I don't think I've met anyone more honest and trusting and open and kind and just so, so beautiful. You are so plentiful in the ways in which I can cherish you. 

My heart has never been happier. It's more each day that I picture you stepping off one of the UBC buses. On bad days I imagine you working and waiting at home so that maybe the rain-soaked shoes and heavy shoulders don't weigh me down as much. I just want to sit and be next to you. Want to laugh and cry and be idiots in the same room. But if that feeling is anything better than the feeling of getting a text or call from you, I don't know if I could handle it. 

The thing is, I can't feel butterflies or even fireworks. A long time ago they were taken from me and replaced with some sickly dread that crawls up my stomach with a siren of non-existent danger. You always find a way to talk me down from the high ledges of conclusions I jump to. End up making me feel like I didn't need those gut feelings anyways. 

You have worn down my jagged edges with countless waves of love and support. I am a sanded down stone of soft appreciation and endless gratitude. 

 So thank you. Thank you for being you and you and more you.